I'm loving being home. While I do miss the girls I used to take care of at times, there is just nothing as wonderful as being at home with my children doing everything at my own pace. I love planning our days however I want. I love deciding on a whim that we're going to the park or the farm. I love changing our plans and being able to have an early or late night without worrying about the next day. I love having the time to take care of my home and enjoy it.
But that's the thing. Time. Honestly, what mother is truly good at time management? If you are, by the way, please let me know your secrets! I think I've discovered that in a sense, too much time causes it to disappear even faster. And so here I am, at home, with time to clean and play and cook... and yet none of it is being done. At least, not in the way I'd like it to! I think my struggle now is finding a new rhythm that fits our new life. I also think that I, well... I think too much, get discouraged, and then just think some more.
I've watched Leah and Elyse and tried to figure out what makes them tick. When are they hungry (other than ALL THE TIME, as they both seem to be going through growth spurts!), when do they need outside time, when do they need inside time? Planned activities, like painting? Free play? I work out a rhythm in my head, and then something happens: we sleep in. My arthritis is flaring up. The kitchen never got cleaned. And then my perfect rhythm is gone. And I get frustrated.
So here's to figuring something out. I think that I need to *let go* and watch it fall into place. I think I need to put forth some effort. I finally started looking at my day BACKWARDS and I think that will help. I know that certain things need to happen by a certain time; think naps and bedtime. I'm building around that. And I know that if (WHEN) I find children to take care of, that rhythm will need some adjusting, but that's the beauty of rhythm vs. schedule, don't you think? There's room for change. So, we'll see. I'd like to be that organized mom that has everything under control. Maybe she doesn't exist, but I'd at least like to try.